Living in Washington, D.C. has been a very special experience. Our summer has been composed of scorching hot afternoons, long walks on concrete and asphalt, conversing with strangers, and our hilarious attempts to look like locals on our metro rides.
Considering the many lessons I have learned about serving, church planting, and leading, I realize I have learned twice as much about myself.
The Lord tells us to “not be anxious” however, I find myself uneasy at times. The weight of caring and shepherding others, wanting to fix the problems of family and friends back home, and the major task of support-raising is too much to bear some nights. Unbearable to the extent that there are nights when I get to bed it’s hard for me to fall asleep. As the past failures, present worries, and doubts about future circumstances linger in my head, my heart beats at an uneasy pace. Reality hits me like a bag of bricks. I’m worried. I’m afraid. I’m human.
There are many folks like me who cannot rest at night. Maybe it’s because you have bills to pay and you don’t know where the money will come from. It could be because you are afraid that the guy of your dreams will never propose and you’d end up alone forever. Maybe you are plagued by your shortcomings and are afraid to make any semi-risky decision, because at the end of the day, your middle name is failure.
Whatever our problems are, big or small, whatever may be keeping us away from our physical rest has everything to do with how we primarily label ourselves and the identity we rest in. There’s a solution to our tossing and turning, a solution I often forget to preach to myself. For the nights that we cannot go to sleep, we must remember three truths about who we are.
We Are Incapable
We aren’t able to do everything we’d like. There are goals that we set out for in the beginning, and years later the ideas are still in the back of our minds, nagging us to death, popping up whenever it’s convenient. There are people we’d like to help, but simply can’t.
Somewhere in our lives we learn the value of responsibility. Responsibility is a good thing, but what happens when we fail? Due to our fallen nature and the brokenness of our world, responsibility has not only become something cherished, but sacred. We identify ourselves with our goals and achievements. In turn, we also identify with our failures and insufficiencies.
Paul has much to say about our humane incapabilities. A passage of Scripture I go to in times like this is 2 Corinthians 12:9:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
We are finite and possess limits, but we serve a God who is limitless and provides abundant grace for His children. It is important to recognize those limits and trust in the One who has never failed.
We Are Prone to Wander
Though we are incapable, we attempt to fix our own problems. While we understand in a mental sense that God is the One who truly makes things happen, this reality is often not translated to how we live our lives.
This reminds me of a biblical truth which led Robert Robinson to write the hymn “Come Thou Fount.” James tells us that “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change (James 1:17). Every good gift is from the Lord, which objectively concludes that we do not provide good gifts. For His children, God provides everything we shall ever need.
I cannot count how many times within a day that I am as Robinson coined, prone to wander. The hymn sings, “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.”
Not only are we incapable to fix brokenness, we are prone to wander from the truths of the Gospel. The solution is to draw near to the Lord. The solution is to rest in who He is.
We Are Made to “Rest”
Some of the most sweet, yet convicting words that I have memorized are from the mouth of Jesus as He spoke on the Mount:
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? (Matthew 6:26-27)
In an instance the Son of God reminds me the value of my sonship, by comparing my sometimes overcomplicated life with that of a pigeon. He paints a wonderful, big picture of our reality. He also understands the temptation to rely on Himself.
And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” (Matthew 4:2-4)
Allow me to introduce an alternative to the tossing and turning that we endure throughout the night. We all rest in something, whether it be our abilities, status, or finances. Saint Augustine preached about the matter of our human nature, saying “Our heart is restless until it rests in You (referring to God).” I wholeheartedly agree.
How Do We ‘Rest In The Lord?’
Last week, I was stressed out and overwhelmed. I remember laying on my bed that night, staring at the ceiling, quoting Matthew 6:27, reminding myself that the Lord is my provider. I prayed myself to sleep that night, waking up the next morning with an answer to my prayers. How do we ‘rest in the Lord?’
The answer is simple, yet perplexed.
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. (Psalm 62:5-8)
As I lead I am prone to put my hope in myself. As I support raise I am prone to put my hope in others. When I pray, as I cry out to the Lord, I put my hope in Him. My finite, broken humanity cannot accomplish in a lifetime what God can do in a moment. And that same God is a Father who loves me deeply. We have no other place to go to fix our problems. We must call out to our Lord.
Whatever our problems are, big or small, whatever may be keeping us away from our physical rest has everything to do with how we primarily label ourselves and the identity we rest in. For the nights that we cannot sleep, we must remember in our struggle with worry and anxiety that freedom is only ever found in viewing ourselves through the lens of the person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ.
mitchjay 