“Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” And they (the twelve disciples) were very sorrowful…
Imagine the fear. The angst. The doubt in the minds of the disciples.
One after another, they go …Is it I, Lord?[1]
Sorrowful is the word Matthew uses to describe them. Synonyms are depressed or heavy-hearted. But why? Isn’t the last supper taking place? You know, the final hangout with Jesus before He’s lifted up? This is supposed to be a modern-day Jesus Party!
Yet, they were filled with grief. Because, though eleven of the twelve would stay around, the same eleven were anxious to be exposed as phonies. The thought of them being “Judas.”
I am afraid to be Judas.
The desires I act upon behind closed doors. The anger and doubt I face when no one is looking. The innumerable thoughts flying through my head. If it’s anyone who’s betraying Jesus, certainly “it is I.”
Inevitably, our humanity makes us question if we are truly lovable and ask ourselves when God is finally going to pull the plug on us. The mistakes we’ve made and our baggage of sin we carry around must make us unqualified to be a child of the Most High. Insert any of us into Matthew 26 and Jesus could’ve easily answered, “You have said so.” Why does He keep us around?
Though I am no more than Judas, I am no less than Jesus.
Because of Jesus, I am Justified.
The guilt I face for not being moral enough does not translate to the view the Father has of me. The shame believers experience for being found out actually vanishes in the sight of God. Being justified means that the Father looks at me just as if I never sinned and as if I always obeyed. As if I were no less than Jesus.
Jesus was preparing to suffer a horrific death that Judas and the rest of us deserved. The Son of God knew that His blood would have to be poured out for the forgiveness of sins.[2] He proceeds to tell them that the next time they drink together will be in the Kingdom of God. They sang hymns, praising the Father.
This is paradoxical; He knew Peter wouldn’t keep His word and lie about their companionship when it mattered most. He foresaw the disciples scattering when His time came. He knew we’d choose everyday idols before Him. And still, our flakiness didn’t slow Him down or change His mind. He knows everything about us and still invites us to His table, His life, His Kingdom, His family. Our sin was no surprise to Him.
Truth is, like Judas, we trade the Son of God for temporary satisfaction. But the Father still accepts to His table as if it were Jesus in our place. We are justified, we are free.
I drank the cup of death
It’s running through my veins
I chose my pride instead
Of the glory of Your name
All the wrath of God that I
Deserve with every breath
Fell upon Him
And He loved my heart to death[3]
Questioning God’s love because of your sinfulness and doubts? If you don’t know Christ, I urge you to remember that, in Him alone, God sees us differently than we see ourselves. Make the decision to follow Jesus! Believer: our identity isn’t dependent upon our success and perfection in the faith. It’s fully dependent upon His perfect sacrifice for us.
Questions about Jesus and this great news? I’d love to talk to you about it.
[1] Matthew 26:0-22
[2] Matthew 26:28
[3] Shane & Shane “You Loved My Heart To Death”
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