I’m a runner. I always have been. I can’t tell you how many times I actually ran away from home. When life didn’t make sense, I dipped out.
There are so many stories from my childhood that contribute to these things, and to this day I have the same tendencies. As soon as I make a mistake, my natural inclination is to become invisible. A major point in my story is that I wanted to run away so bad that I nearly attempted to suicide. I believed my presence brought pain. I wanted to run away as far as possible.
Though that season of life is over, I’ve noticed my “deuces” mentality lately in my closest relationships, rooting from my relationship with Jesus.
Here’s a passage that I’ve focused on lately. In John 6, after Jesus tells His large group of followers that unless they ate the bread of His flesh and drank His blood that they could not have eternal life. The large group of fans vanish due to the “hard saying.”
I feel the same way about Jesus. Maybe it’s not the blood thing that freaks me out, but whenever he tells me to wait. When he changes my plans. When he tells me to give up control. “This is a hard saying” because my 100% of my flesh wants to do otherwise.
After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” –John 6:66-69
While Peter never ultimately knew what following Jesus would cost, he made a decision and decided to be present. To Him, nothing else compared to being in the presence of Jesus. In fact, he asked “Lord, to whom shall we go” believing that there was nowhere else to find life.
I, however, can think of a thousand places I’d rather be. There are life stages that seem sweeter than the one I’m currently in. I want to be in a place where cancer is absent. A place where I could see the people I miss and everything made sense. Where pain was eliminated and death was finished–a place with no more goodbyes. I admit, it’s hard to remind myself that while those things are good, they are not what I need, Jesus is. Peter understands this truth.
I’m asking the Lord to make me more like Peter, who reflects His Lord Jesus. While Jesus was fully human, He was fully God as well. If He had not chosen to take the punishment for my sin, where would I be? But He endured the beatings and the nails through His wrists so I could be with Him in the presence of the Father. His presence must be a big deal.
I’m asking Him to make me more content with where He has me because no matter what stage of life I’m in, or what difficulty and adversity I’m facing, I don’t have to run anymore. Friends, we don’t have to run anymore.
When we trust that Jesus is who He says He is, we can turn to Him in faith and away from our independence and say, “where else shall I go?” There is no other place of sustainable comfort, refuge, and strength, and He died that it may be so. I pray for our hearts to be as the Psalmist: For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.
mitchjay 