Sometimes extending grace is so easy that we don’t even have to think about it. When the first-day waitress spills a drink on the table or when coworkers are late to meetings, it’s not hard to forgive them and move past their mistakes. Even when the drink spills on your lap, it’s much easier to move past than more extreme situations.
But what about someone who has been abused by their boyfriend? Or a father neglecting his children in adolescence and the child grows up with bitterness? How about catching your significant other cheating? Surely there’s little to no grace for these things.
I wasn’t good enough for them…
I wasn’t important enough for them to stay around…
I’m never letting anyone that close to me again!
If we’re not careful, our hearts may turn to stone as a response to being hurt. Why are some situations easier to forgive than others? How can we show grace in not only the day-to-day mistakes but also when others make professional screw-ups?
I’ve certainly had my fair share of pain from others and dishing it out as well. Even today, it’s hard to arrive at a place where grace is the answer instead of vengeance for seemingly unforgivable acts people have committed. But is it only enough to forgive in situations that seem redeemable?
The biggest example I can think of grace is Jesus. I know I’d be bitter if I lived my entire adult life perfectly only to be a sacrifice for people who disrespect me and disobey my Father! But Jesus…
Jesus is the epitome of grace and our example of how to handle situations where people hurt us. When we hear of God forgiving our sins, it has the tendency to get old to us–like it was an easy thing to do–as if we have forgotten that Jesus was just as much human as He is God. Every whip on His back, thorn piercing His forehead, and nail piercing His wrists were felt. And Jesus didn’t react how we would…He entrusted His well-being to God, seeing the joy set before Him.
Are we better than Jesus? Understanding His upcoming fate, He comments on loving those who hurt us:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48
In the 1 Peter 2 passage I referenced earlier, Peter is directing his written thoughts to slaves who were being mistreated by their masters. Talk about unfair! Not only were they slaves, but they weren’t treated with dignity. Yet Peter leaves no opportunity for them to play the victim, and they aren’t let off of the hook. He even calls it a gracious thing!
For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. 1 Peter 2:19-20
What happens to the trauma we feel from being abused or the hate we feel towards the parent who abandoned us? How do we handle the confusion, depression, and anxiety that’s fanned into flames from pain someone has caused us? Peter concludes this chapter saying that:
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. 1 Peter 2:24-25
Our gaping wounds are no match for the Lord. In fact, God intends to use the terrible tings that happen to us as opportunities to show His power through an overabundance of grace. This only happens through the Holy Spirit leading us outside of the borders of our insecurities and pride–thinking we deserve this or that–and helping us understand that the ultimate victim that we all had a hand in killing is Jesus Christ Himself.
This statement is from Nadine Collier, daughter of victim Ethel Lance who was murdered with 8 other African Americans in the racially motivated killing last summer at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church. These are her words to her mother’s killer, Dylann Roof:
“I forgive you. You took something very precious away from me. I will never get to talk to her ever again. I will never be able to hold her again, but I forgive you, and have mercy on your soul… You hurt me. You hurt a lot of people. If God forgives you, I forgive you.”
True grace hurts, because we understand may never get back something precious we lost. That same grace also leads us to work through the process of forgiving others, no matter how painful it may be. Relationships may not ever be the same and will potentially end in this process but we must press on and entrust our life to the One who judges justly, trusting that He is making us better men and women through our trials. Above all things and people, He values us the most, and because of His grace we are compelled to forgive the unforgivable. It’s Good News that we are able to put away bitterness and seeking revenge, and truly understand that by His wounds we are healed.
mitchjay 